For those of us with high libido and committed to monogamy, I think sex takes on another context as well. It is not *just* sacred but also a practical matter of caring and relief. We need to get our fix for health and well being, and we want to do it in a healthy format with the same person, as long term partners. It is sacred but also a practical co-dependency
I would also be offended if my spouse called sex like another activity like hiking. We have no innate hiking drive that needs fulfilling. Hiking is not an activity that most couples do exclusively and privately. Couples don’t separate because of hiking infidelity.
So saying sex is an activity like hiking would tell me that person is not actually committed to the practical realities of monogamy that i would require for a long term commitment.
I am an avid hiker. Being outside away from life's noises is essential to who I am. On a trail I feel a mystical connection with nature and with those around me. If my doctor said I had to stop, I'd say "pull the plug!"
My spouse and I do like to hike as a couple for a shared mystical connection, inner exploration, and connection beyond oneself.
But we have different levels of hiking stamina what she considers an expedition I think of as a walk in the park. So she lets me hike with a club. With one stipulation: When previewing a trail for the club I may neither solo hike nor hike with only another woman.
Reread that substituting sex terms for hiking terms. See the similarities?
I reject your assertion that there is no inborn drive to explore this beautiful world and get exercise, and your assertion that such activities carry no mortal risk. You're doing that thing people do around death and sex: clench up and project their ego, seek to control.
this piece explored some interesting ideas and was pleasant to read, but the conclusion did feel quite haphazard and thrown together; i think it's because after spending a fair while exploring different ideas, the climax (no pun intended) of the piece centred on ideas only introduced in that moment, that hadn't been fleshed out or explored beforehand. it made the ending feel (to me, at least) pretty unsatisfying, as the writer hadn't given themself time to justify their final statement at all before making it
What a brilliant article. It gets at what I call "sexual theory of mind." So many of us seem to struggle with the fact that other people can have very different experiences of sex.
I learned a new word today on Substack: theorycel. If I understand it correctly, this is a hilarious parody of what happens when a theorycel is told to write about sex.
I hate that you called the one writer a “fun-hater”. They don’t hate fun, they just feel deeply about sex. Hard to read when it feels like you’re just demeaning someone for a deeply felt emotion.
I wish I would have considered the aligned sex view as a factor before stepping on my sexuality, but I don't think that's possible. Like you said, it's hard to know what you want, especially without experience. Now I know what I definitely don't want, and even when I am still a foreigner for my true desires, I can tell there is a level of intimacy beyond the physical body that needs to be shared. Not following this realisation will only bring discomfort and probably stain my perception of sex altogether. People who had bad experiences with sex because of a partner need to remember that there must be someone who will view sex the same way they do, without making them arise any feeling of guilt inside.
I highly love this because reading it, as I step into my newfound sexual life, gives me a clear view of what path I ought to take.
Fascinating piece, thank you.
For those of us with high libido and committed to monogamy, I think sex takes on another context as well. It is not *just* sacred but also a practical matter of caring and relief. We need to get our fix for health and well being, and we want to do it in a healthy format with the same person, as long term partners. It is sacred but also a practical co-dependency
I would also be offended if my spouse called sex like another activity like hiking. We have no innate hiking drive that needs fulfilling. Hiking is not an activity that most couples do exclusively and privately. Couples don’t separate because of hiking infidelity.
So saying sex is an activity like hiking would tell me that person is not actually committed to the practical realities of monogamy that i would require for a long term commitment.
Hiking infidelity - that point is spot on xD
I am an avid hiker. Being outside away from life's noises is essential to who I am. On a trail I feel a mystical connection with nature and with those around me. If my doctor said I had to stop, I'd say "pull the plug!"
My spouse and I do like to hike as a couple for a shared mystical connection, inner exploration, and connection beyond oneself.
But we have different levels of hiking stamina what she considers an expedition I think of as a walk in the park. So she lets me hike with a club. With one stipulation: When previewing a trail for the club I may neither solo hike nor hike with only another woman.
Reread that substituting sex terms for hiking terms. See the similarities?
Since you’re not exclusively hiking together regardless and there is no inborn hiking drive nor risk of pregnancy from hiking, I really don’t. Sorry.
I reject your assertion that there is no inborn drive to explore this beautiful world and get exercise, and your assertion that such activities carry no mortal risk. You're doing that thing people do around death and sex: clench up and project their ego, seek to control.
this piece explored some interesting ideas and was pleasant to read, but the conclusion did feel quite haphazard and thrown together; i think it's because after spending a fair while exploring different ideas, the climax (no pun intended) of the piece centred on ideas only introduced in that moment, that hadn't been fleshed out or explored beforehand. it made the ending feel (to me, at least) pretty unsatisfying, as the writer hadn't given themself time to justify their final statement at all before making it
A common bisexual experience is feeling one way about sex and relationships with one gender or sex and another with others.
What a brilliant article. It gets at what I call "sexual theory of mind." So many of us seem to struggle with the fact that other people can have very different experiences of sex.
i didn’t read this but yeah
I learned a new word today on Substack: theorycel. If I understand it correctly, this is a hilarious parody of what happens when a theorycel is told to write about sex.
I hate that you called the one writer a “fun-hater”. They don’t hate fun, they just feel deeply about sex. Hard to read when it feels like you’re just demeaning someone for a deeply felt emotion.
I wish I would have considered the aligned sex view as a factor before stepping on my sexuality, but I don't think that's possible. Like you said, it's hard to know what you want, especially without experience. Now I know what I definitely don't want, and even when I am still a foreigner for my true desires, I can tell there is a level of intimacy beyond the physical body that needs to be shared. Not following this realisation will only bring discomfort and probably stain my perception of sex altogether. People who had bad experiences with sex because of a partner need to remember that there must be someone who will view sex the same way they do, without making them arise any feeling of guilt inside.
I highly love this because reading it, as I step into my newfound sexual life, gives me a clear view of what path I ought to take.